Sometimes, I get this strange fear that I'm never going to grow old.
I know it sounds kind of depressing. Actually... it is. But don't worry, I'm not depressed about it.
I was making some apple pancakes earlier. I was all alone in my home; it was beautiful. I had the sound track from Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice playing quietly in the family room, and I hadn't spoken a word in hours. I had taken a shower and my hair was lying loosely around my shoulders, still damp and it smelled wonderful. I was feeling much too free to wear jeans, so I had slipped into a pink, flowy dress.
It really was nice to have the place to myself for the day.
I find such enjoyment in experimenting with pancake recipes. This time I chose to juice my own apples and use organic peanut butter. They turned out great, and I ate them with a smile on my face (adding on more globs of butter than any human probably should).
I went to the sink to clean up the kitchen a bit. We have a dish washer, but I guess hand-washing sounded enticing for some strange reason. Dish by dish, bubble by bubble, I cleaned and cleaned. Until I came to the bowl with the left over pancake batter. Ooo, I just couldn't resist!
I submerged my hands deep down into the gooey batter and began to play around, giggling all by myself.
But then it hit me...
I looked up and saw an empty chair. It was the weirdest feeling. I just all of a sudden had this fear that I wont grow old.
I know God has an amazing plan for my life. I know that there is so much in store for me. But I have this odd, subtle feeling down deep in my heart that doesn't see myself as an old woman. I don't understand it. I don't wish for it either. But it's there.
Who am I to say what the future holds? I'm 17. I have so much ahead of me and so much to look forward to. It seems as though it was only days ago that I couldn't wait to turn 12 (you can take the bigger doses of medicine once you're 12, or at least that's what it says on the bottles..) And I couldn't imagine myself as an adult. But yet, here I am nearing adulthood.
I want to be an old woman, I do. But much later of course. I want to be able to look back at my life and see something so full, so alive, and so beautiful. I want to to be married forever to someone who kisses me passionately way passed 75, and have tons of incredible children and even more grandchildren, all so precious and wonderful.
I hope I can be old. I think i probably will. But I do have to say, it's so weird to have a feeling such as this...
Hey you guys!
I know. I know.... I KNOW.
No blog post in yada yada however long. unacceptable.
So, this is a quick check in! You know, the kind of thing that parents like. The whole "Hey, Im here, im going here now, and I'll be home at this time." kind of thing.
So, my life right now is amazing. Seriously life is SO GOOD. And I keep thinking to myself of how much I've had to write about lately. You know, I think I get really caught up in expecting everything I write to be some sort of deep, outstanding masterpiece. Well, as I have been reading through millions of blogs lately, I've realized that I thoroughly enjoy the kinds of blogs that are real. Real people, with real lives, with true quirkiness.
I love quirky people, I really do.
So guess what, I'm expanding myself. Im going to continue writing those deep, heartfelt stories and such. But I'm also going to start sharing my life. Because i think if I can be happy and enjoy all that I have and love where I'm at, then I sure want to share that with you. If I can share some of the happiness with you, then by golly gosh I'm going to share!
Forgive me, again... I really ought to post more. And I will.
Anyways. Im going to challenge you, dearest reader of mine, to look at your life and find everything that's going good. Even people with really crappy lives have at least ONE good thing going for them. Lately, as I've been pondering my life, I can see that the more I focus on the positive things around me, the more my entire outlook is affected in a positive way. And the more I continue to just step back and thank God for all He has done for me, the more I have to thank Him for.
God loves us so much. Gosh! He loves us so much!
Well. My friends. Nice chatting with you. I hope you all just take a few minutes.. (seriously, you can take a few minutes out of your day..) to ponder all the good things going on in your life. What can you thank God for today? Start setting your mind on the good things, because honestly this world is too full of negative poop.
Tay (:
Oh yea. Well, I went to a baby shower and saw a sock monkey. I told my friend that i have ALWAYS wanted one of those little guys. You know, so I have something to pass down to my little kiddos someday in future. Guess who found one at a yard sale the other day? Yea, me. God just loves me. A lot.
Her name is Nita. We decided to go on a road trip together. (:
Ahg.
It's been a while, hasn't it? There always seems to be such a great length of time between my blog posts. Sometimes months will pass before I write anything to share with the world. The small world of my blog, that is.
It's quite funny to me though. I really do write, I promise you this. I write constantly, day in and day out. Almost to the point of writing too much. But then again, it's never enough.
Perhaps it takes a night like this to force my tired body to the computer? I thought to myself, about three hours ago... "I'm going to go to bed early tonight, I could use the rest."
Nope.
The once in a blue moon i decide to go to bed early, I can't seem to sleep. No, my friends, of course not. Instead, a raging storm of deep thoughts blow about my little mind!
It's been driving me insane the last few hours. Yes, my soft, pastel blankets are mighty cozy and the temperature simply perfect for a good night of sweet dreams. But there is this strange irritation building within. It's as though the center of my brain is all itchy. Like I got some stupid rash from a bush. And guess what... i'm all out of itching powder!! - or cream?
But seriously. I can't pin it. I can't identify what it is that is bothering my mind so severely. I wrestled with the idea of posting a blog for a bit now.
"Hmm, maybe writing will clear my mind - kind of like taking out the garbage."
"No, Taylor, you need sleep. You have to wake up early."
But guess who's here now? With her blankets wrapped about her shoulders and an obnoxious ceiling fan blaring it's yellow, breezy light upon her face.... Traces of some sort of healthy-garlic-cracker on her breath from the lousy attempt of a midnight snack.
Maybe i'll sleep this one off....
Well. I tried. I posted a blog.
